attack of the serial texter

YIKES!!! K, so this guy asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Little did I know what was in store. Seriously, a couple of texts while I am at work to see how I am doing are fine...but this guy went WAY overboard. And...on top of it he called me and wasn't so impressive on the phone so I think it was doubly annoying. Here is how it all went down.

Friday:
2:45pm HIM: How is your work going? How long have you been a nanny?
2:54pm HIM: Do you like pets?
2:55pm ME: Work is fine. Ten Years. I am not particularly fond of pets, aside from dogs and horses.
2:56pm HIM: What kind of dog do you like?
2:57pm ME: Labs, or bigger playful dogs
2:57pm HIM: Those are good dogs
2:58pm HIM: I like german shephards
3:03pm HIM: What made you decide to become a nanny?
(At this point I am not answering because I am actually trying to be a good nanny and play with the kid...and...I am getting annoyed with him filling up my in box on my phone)
4:45pm ME: I became a nanny because I love working with kids and wanted to experience other parts of the world, moved to New York when I was 18 to try it out
4:46pm HIM: Do you have family out there?
4:49pm HIM: I am guessing you want to move back
5:57pm ME: I don't know where I see myself after grad school. I can teach anywhere in the world.
7:35pm HIM: Are you still at work?
9:03pm ME: Just got back from dinner with a friend
9:04pm HIM: How was it?
9:04pm ME: Great. I am headed to the track right now for a run so I might be missing for a bit (thinking...YAY, I don't have to answer or hear from him for a bit)
He calls...I chit chat with him for a bit and listen to him complain about the business he is starting and how he doesn't know how to do it and how it's not going very well...NOT so impressed)
10:29 HIM: How is the run?
11:16 HIM: Are you done with the five miles?

SATURDAY:
12:26pm HIM: How is your Saturday
1:14pm ME: Busy, but good. Went Rollerblading
1:17pm HIM: I am doing well. Just got done with some yard work and taking a shower. Now I am just waiting for my grandmother and aunt aunt to come over.
2:20pm ME: I am going to the temple with my mom in a bit, but I need to do yard work as well
1:23 pm HIM: What type of yard work?
1:25 pm HIM: How big is your yard?
1:26pm HIM: I just had to weed whack so mine didn't take very long
5:11pm HIM: Are you done with your yard work now?
5:12pm HIM: Maybe when I come to Salt Lake you can teach me how to rollerblade. I have never done it before. Are you pretty good at it?
(Notice, I am not answering anymore cause I am so annoyed that I want to throw my phone in the rubbish bin)

FINALLY...I haven't heard from him in almost 16 hours. Relief! Text messaging is appropriate at certain times so I wont totally rule it out but seriously this guy needs to learn the rules. Is there a manual on cell phone ettiquette? If so I will take 72 copies please!

defining the relationship (dtr), better known as "entering into the dark side"

lol, this video is hilarious. I am deathly afraid of DTR's. Mostly because you do not want to willingly open the doors of vocal rejection unless absolutely necessary. Even still, it's best to let the man open that can of worms, let him perspire and do the talking. Are you reading this ladies? I dated one guy for six months before we spoke what we "were" and it was great! Sure, it drove me a little crazy...but better that then scare him away by jumping the gun. However, the girl in the video has an interesting approach. Maybe I'll try that sometime. But not now!

the letter

A few weeks ago I started chatting with a guy from Las Vegas. It became evident fairly quickly that it wouldn't be a romantic relationship, but we have become friends and I had enjoyed talking to him over the phone and e-mail. Las Vegas boy had attempted to come meet me a couple of weeks ago, but I wasn't ready and I refused his offer.

A couple of days ago, I made a comment on his Facebook status. I do not take public wall posts on Facebook seriously and let me clarify that the comment I made was niether suggestive, or flirtatious (I don't do that). It was just a comment from a friend to a friend...about falling asleep when driving.

Twenty Minutes later...a message in my facebook inbox from a girl who I don't know. This is what it said.

"Sorry Holly, But you are sadly mistaken if you think you are the only woman in ______ life. That weekend he was in Utah and didn't see you- he was with me. Just like the last three weekends he was with me(and I mean "with me" in every sense of the word). Just like how he's been in love with me for the past 2 months and has told me he really has no interest in you. Just an fyi. Time for you to move on."

As I read this, I laughed. Hard. Who does that? What kind of girl writes letters to girls on Facebook that she doesn't know, protecting herself for a boy that just to clarify once again, Holly DOES NOT have and hasn't ever had romantic feelings for. I was amazingly confused by this, but also grateful for a story.

As far as you Facebook girl, Go get em tiger! Vegas Boy is all yours and Best of Luck!

the curious case of benjamen button

I am going to assume that most people have been on a charity date once or twice in thier lives. Saturday was one of those for me. I had spoken to this gentleman a couple of times on the phone, which was ok...but I still wasn't thrilled to dress up and go out with him. There were several things I needed to get done that day, grad school work, planting a garden, cleaning out storage. But I decided to go. We had talked about rollerblading, which I enjoy so if anything...I had talked myself into it for the sole purpose I would get to strap wheels on my feet and glide across cement. How bad could it really be?

I met the gentleman at the park. He was late. I didn't mind as I warmed up and watched children feed ducks at the lake. Suddenly, there he was...and "Oh My!"

This is where Benjamen Button comes in. This gentlamen, my date looked like a 62 year old man trapped in a 14 year old body. (This is a totally mean, impolite, unlady like thing to say), but it's true. I took a deep breath and repeated in my head three times, "Holly, you are a lady and you will be a good sport and talk to him and try to have some fun".

We rollerbladed around the park several times. I think I probably talked the majority of it, because Benjamen Button...was a mute. He wasn't mute on the phone, why was he mute now? Anyway, he did hold the conversation for about ten minutes while telling me all of his rejection stories. Enter guilt. It was this guilt that talked me into agreeing to get a Slurpee from the 7-11 with him. To most an $0.89 Slurpee would be an insult. To me, it was a blessing. I did not want the shame of this guy buying me dinner when I wasn't, "feeling the vibe". What would you do?

We walked back to my car and I said thank you and went in for the side hug. You know, the, thanks for the two hours spent in semi-torture and never intend to repeat it) hug. I think I even patted. The pat is a tell tell sign that, "I'm just not that into you" without actually having to say it. I am personally grateful for the pat.

Seconds away from getting in my car and getting on with life, he stopped me and said, "I brought a little evaluation, it's in my car, would you like me to get it". Freeze! What? Hold On! Hold back laughter.

All I could think to say was, "Don't trouble yourself by getting it, you can just e-mail it to me". He agreed to that. I am still waiting for it, because I can't imagine what kind of questions are on this thing. That was followed by a "thanks, I'll talk to you later" (with the intention of never doing so) and several phone calls on the way home laughing hysterically.

Oh Benjaman Button! You will always be remembered, that's for sure. Next time I will upgrade to the Big Gulp!

so I dated an axe murderer

Just in case I see this guy on the news for commiting some hanious crime in the future, I will not reveal his real name. I will use an alias. Let's call him MC.

Things with MC started off well. He had come to a potluck and mingled with my friends, he played games he talked, was smart and seemed like a gentleman. At the end of the potluck, he asked me out for Friday evening and I agreed.

Again, he was a gentleman, picked me up at my place (this time I forgot the Batman Suit). MC had called to confirm the date, he opened doors, and was engaged in our converstaion for most of the night. He did all the things a good dater should do. He took me to dinner and ice skating, which was all fine. After the ice skating he asked if I'd like to go to a book store. I agreed, I love bookstores! We browsed the fiction section, the children's section, and the art section and just talked about different books and topics. Trying to be a good date I thought the next section we should embark on should be History, since these seemed to be a common interest for both of us.

BIG MISTAKE!!!

All of the sudden MC turned from perfect gentleman to hit man. In the next twenty minutes I found myself swarmed in a rampage of Obama bashing, political views, hunting stories and the worst...war strategies. As I listened in silence I couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. He proceeded to tell me the strategy he thought should be used to punish the pirates who had captured the captain of a US ship of the coast of Somalia. His stategy was, "I think we should kill all of the pirates except for three and then make them watch as we kill all of thier friends, sew them up in pigs and throw them into the ocean...then the remaning three who are alive can go tell their friends not to mess with us." All of this was said while his eyes got big and he was gripping the steering wheel. He was on a rampage all the way up to the doorstep. The whole time I am thinking, "that is one of the most disturbing things I have heard in a long time" for a couple of reasons. For one, burying a muslim with a pig is extremely offensive to the Muslim Culture. I have heard of stories in the Phillipines where they have done this to discourage terrorism, but I still find it very offensive. You can read about it here. And for two, doesn't anyone teach men the rules anymore. Politics is not an appropriate thing to discuss when courting, not on the first date anyway. Especially with me. I don't enjoy it, and I will not disclose my political views to gentleman who ask. Political affiliation is not a deal breaker for me, and I don't want to be classified with that criteria either.

Sorry MC. I don't agree with your strategy, nor your approach to women. Who knows...maybe some women find that attractive? Readers, I would LOVE to hear what you think on this one. I am still stunned and have changed the locks on my doors for sure!

try it on for size

As a general rule, women prefer to be smaller than men, particularly men who buy them dinner. Back in January I was set up by a friend, whom I love dearly, who had been out with this particular gentleman before. She didn't have a connection with him, but thought I should have a go at it! You know how people are...they play matchmaker based on things like, you both have been on a hike once or twice in your lives, or...you both like cheese, or you both grew up listening to Van Halen. You know, the important things.

So, the gentleman and I decided to have dinner. Dale, my cousin's seven year old son whom I live with answered the door in his Batman costume. (I think I am going to keep this tatic for dates...it's a nice distraction from the initial awkwardness). The next few seconds consistes of the following thoughts, "oh wow", "what?" "Geez he's small", "How tall is he?", "Do I have any shorter shoes than flats?", "Shall I go bearfoot", "He's half my size!"

When I finally came to, from my mouth of course came, "I'm Holly, pleasure to meet you". Off we went. Here's the thing. Ordering dinner is awkward with someone half your size. I wasn't quite sure whether I should eat the whole sandwhich or stick with the half since "half" seemed to be the theme of the evening. Let's not mention that he didn't like food. I can't date a guy who doesn't like food, it's against the rules. I cook. I LOVE cooking. Cooking for someone who doesn't eat totally cramps my style...can't do it.

For future set ups, I have given all good friends and aquaintances who might even think about setting me up a list of my measurements. I might even get to eat the whole sandwhich next time.